I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
