Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
