My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
