we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
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It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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