Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
