Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
