I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
