atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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