Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
