i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
