you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
