I'd wear matching sweaters with you
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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