When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
