I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
