Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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