I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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