After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
