Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
