I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
