Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
