puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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