Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
