you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize