Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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