As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
