I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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