Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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