And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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