Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
