dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize