my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
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Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
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he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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