Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
