Already got asked if we're dating
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
