I just cut my nipple shaving
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
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I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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