Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
