there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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