We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
