forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize