I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
