you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
