oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
