The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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