I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
