Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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