Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
