Kiss
Puke
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
