I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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