New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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