GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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