Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
