i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
