you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
