My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
