i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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