If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
