I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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