I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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