omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
