if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
...so i touched it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
