I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
