No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
