guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
