so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
