I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
