The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
