can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
