Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
