That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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