Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize