Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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